Heidi Norton
Telling someone that their perfume is too strong can be a delicate matter. It's important to approach the situation tactfully to avoid offending them or causing embarrassment. When dealing with a colleague, it's best to have a private conversation and focus on your reaction to the perfume rather than their choice of fragrance. Be honest about your sensitivity to strong scents and how it affects your health. You can suggest alternative arrangements, such as meeting in a different area or sitting farther apart, to accommodate your needs without imposing on them. It's also helpful to express your admiration for the person and your intention to maintain a good relationship. If you're uncomfortable addressing the issue directly, you can involve a supervisor or manager to mediate the situation. Remember, it's about finding a solution that respects both your health and their feelings.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Tone | Direct and polite |
| Content | Positive comment followed by a negative reaction to the perfume |
| Privacy | Speak privately |
| Honesty | Be honest, but respectful |
| Informality | Keep the conversation light-hearted |
| Compromise | Suggest a compromise, e.g. travelling separately |
| Sacrifice | Be willing to make sacrifices to avoid overdramatising |
| Understanding | Have an understanding with a spouse or friend to help you |
| Scent Blindness | Recognise they might not smell their own perfume |
| Perfume Etiquette | Be mindful of unspoken rules and norms |
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What You'll Learn
Be polite and direct
Being polite and direct is a great way to address the issue of someone's perfume being too strong. This approach can help to ensure that your concerns are heard while also maintaining a respectful tone. Here are some strategies to try:
Start by acknowledging the person's choice of fragrance. A simple "Your perfume smells really nice" can be a good way to open the conversation. This shows that you appreciate their taste and are not criticising their preference.
Next, express your concerns about the intensity of the scent. You can say something like, "I think you might be wearing a bit too much, and it's becoming unpleasant for me." Be honest about your experience without placing blame on the other person. You could also suggest that they may be experiencing "nose blindness," where they can no longer smell their perfume as strongly as those around them.
It's important to frame the conversation around the impact the fragrance has on you, rather than accusing them of wrongdoing. For example, you could say, "I'm sorry to ask, but it's giving me a headache. Would you be willing to wear a little less around me?" By expressing your request as a favour, you're more likely to get a positive response.
If you're in a professional setting, consider approaching the situation delicately. You could say something like, "I've been meaning to ask you for a favour. I was wondering if you could refrain from wearing perfume at work. Since we spend many hours a day here, even pleasant scents can become too intense."
Remember to communicate with compassion and understanding. Be open to their feelings and perspective as well. It's a delicate situation, but by being polite and direct, you can address the issue of someone's strong perfume in a tactful manner.
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Ask what perfume they're wearing
Asking what perfume someone is wearing can be a great way to start a conversation about their fragrance without causing offence. It is a subtle way to express interest and can be a good ice-breaker, especially if you are curious about the scent and want to explore wearing it yourself.
For example, you could say: "I noticed your perfume as soon as you walked in, it's very distinctive. What is it?" This approach allows you to acknowledge the fragrance without any negative connotations. It also opens the door for a light-hearted conversation about fragrances in general, perhaps sharing your own favourites or asking for recommendations.
If you are worried about offending someone, this approach can be a polite way to express your interest and curiosity while also gathering information about the perfume. You can then decide if you want to share any concerns about the scent being too strong, perhaps by saying something like: "I love your perfume, but I think the scent might be stronger today than usual. I wonder if you sprayed a little extra this morning?" This way, you are offering a gentle nudge towards awareness without directly criticising their choice or quantity of perfume.
Asking about the perfume also gives you an opportunity to learn more about the person's preferences and taste. You might discover that they are passionate about fragrances or that they have an extensive collection. This can be a great way to build a connection and foster a positive relationship, especially if you share a similar interest.
Remember, the key is to approach the conversation with kindness and respect. Fragrances are very personal, and people's reactions to them can vary widely. By asking about the perfume first, you are showing consideration for the person's choices and creating a safe space to discuss any potential issues without causing embarrassment or offence.
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Mention your sensitivity
If you are sensitive to scents, it is important to communicate this to the person wearing the perfume. Be honest about your sensitivity, and explain that you are not criticising their choice of fragrance, but that it is affecting your health. You could say something like, "I really like that perfume, but unfortunately, I have a sensitivity to strong scents, and it's giving me a headache/making me feel nauseous." This way, you are not attacking their choice of perfume, but rather framing the issue as a personal sensitivity.
You could also suggest that you are sensitive to certain chemicals commonly found in perfumes, colognes, and other scented products. Explain that while the scent may be pleasant, your sensitivity means that you experience discomfort, in the same way that someone might feel around a smoker.
If you are uncomfortable addressing the issue directly with the person, you could suggest that your spouse or a close friend speak to them on your behalf. Alternatively, you could speak to a supervisor or HR representative, especially if you are dealing with a colleague, and ask them to make a general request to the entire company about reducing fragrance usage.
Remember, it is important to be tactful and considerate when addressing this issue, as people often associate criticism of their perfume with personal criticism.
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Ask them to tone it down
If you want to ask someone to tone down their perfume, it's important to approach the situation with tact and sensitivity. Here are some ways to do it:
Choose an Appropriate Setting
Before bringing up the topic, consider the setting and your relationship with the person. If it's a close friend or family member, it may be easier to have a direct conversation. However, if it's a colleague or someone you don't know well, a more subtle approach might be better.
Be Direct but Polite
You can be polite and direct by saying something like, "Hey, I think it's great that you like to smell nice, but your fragrance is a bit overwhelming for me. Could you please tone it down a bit?" This approach lets the person know that you appreciate their desire to smell pleasant while also expressing your preference for a more subtle scent.
Frame it as a Sensitivity
If you'd rather not make it about their perfume directly, you can frame it as a personal sensitivity. For example, "I'm sorry, but I'm sensitive to strong scents, and I think I'm reacting to your perfume. I'd appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit when we're together." This approach acknowledges that your request is specific to your needs and doesn't imply that they need to change their perfume habit for everyone.
Suggest Alternatives
Instead of solely focusing on what you don't like, you can suggest alternatives that you prefer. For example, "I really like your cologne, but I'm a fan of natural scents. I'd love to smell your natural scent more." This approach redirects their attention to a different type of fragrance that you would enjoy more.
Provide Feedback Gradually
If you're in a managerial position at work, it's important to handle this situation delicately. First, set an example by not wearing scented products yourself and encouraging employees to discuss their scent sensitivities openly. If the issue persists, meet with the employee privately and explain that their perfume is affecting their colleagues. Provide specific examples of how strong fragrances can cause issues for others, such as sniffling, dizziness, or headaches.
Remember, the key is to be respectful and considerate while also expressing your preference or sensitivity. Most people would prefer to know if their perfume is bothering someone, and they will likely appreciate your honesty as long as it's delivered in a kind manner.
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Suggest travelling separately
Suggesting that you and a friend travel separately due to their strong perfume can be a difficult conversation to have. It is important to approach the situation delicately, as people often associate criticism of their perfume with being told they smell bad.
Firstly, it is recommended to focus on your own reaction to the perfume, rather than criticising their choice to wear it. For example, you could say, "I've been meaning to ask you for a favour, but I didn't know how to say it. I was wondering if you would mind if we travelled separately. Your perfume is lovely, but I seem to be sensitive to strong scents, and it would be better for me if we weren't in close quarters for a long period." This approach makes it clear that you do not want to offend them, and that your request is reasonable.
You could also suggest travelling in separate cars, or offer to sit in a different seat, to emphasise that you value your relationship and want to maintain it. For example, "I really enjoy travelling with you, but I was wondering if we could travel in separate cars. I get overwhelmed by strong scents, and I don't want to make a big deal about it, but I thought I should be honest with you."
If you are worried about the conversation, it can be helpful to rehearse what you want to say beforehand. It is also important to remember that most reasonable people will be willing to accommodate your request, especially if you are kind and apologetic in your approach.
If you are concerned about having this conversation with a co-worker, it may be best to ask a supervisor or manager for help. This can ensure that the situation is handled delicately and avoid any negative consequences for the work environment.
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Frequently asked questions
You can say something like, "Your perfume is lovely, but it seems to be triggering my allergies. I’m sorry to ask, but would you be willing to leave it off at the office?". It's important to be kind and apologetic in your request rather than implying they've done something wrong.
It's best to broach the matter in private. You can say something like, "I've been meaning to ask you for a favor, but I didn't know how to say it. If the roles were reversed and my co-worker felt this way, I would definitely prefer she tells me. I was wondering if you would mind not wearing any perfume at work. We spend many hours a day here, and the scent of a perfume can eventually become too intense and distracting."
Don't ask them to stop wearing perfume or reduce the amount. Let them make that offer. Reassure them that you aren't asking them to change and that you just wanted to explain your behaviour. For example, "I wanted to tell you because I noticed I've been avoiding contact with you because I react physically to your perfume. I don't want you to think I'm avoiding you, I want you to know that the opposite is true." If the issue persists, you can take it to HR or a supervisor for assistance.
