Katrina Rosales
Telling someone that they wear too much perfume can be a tricky conversation to have. It's important to approach the topic sensitively and respectfully, especially if you're dealing with a colleague or someone you see regularly. Many people may not realize that they're wearing too much due to a desensitization to the fragrance or a lack of awareness about the appropriate amount to apply. Having an open and honest conversation is key, and it's best to focus on your reaction to the perfume rather than how much they wear. You could explain that you've noticed yourself avoiding contact because of your physical reaction to the scent. It's also valid to suggest accommodations such as an office air purifier or to present fragrance toxicity evidence to HR to make a general request to the company about scented products.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Be honest | Tell the person that you react physically to their perfume |
| Be subtle | Present the allergy as a disability |
| Be kind | Express that you like the person and want a good relationship with them |
| Be aware | The person may feel defensive |
| Be direct | Declare why you are bringing this up |
| Be respectful | Don't ask the person to stop wearing the perfume or reduce the amount |
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What You'll Learn
- Be mindful of how you feel and don't obsess over the conversation beforehand
- Discuss your own reaction to the perfume, not the amount they wear
- Be honest and unapologetic about your intentions
- Present evidence of fragrance toxicity to HR and request accommodations
- Suggest alternative ways to apply perfume, such as spraying the air and walking through
Be mindful of how you feel and don't obsess over the conversation beforehand
It is completely normal to feel anxious about telling someone that they wear too much perfume. However, it is important to be mindful of your feelings and not obsess over the conversation beforehand. The longer you obsess about how scary the conversation will be, the more you raise the emotional stakes. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that you are entitled to express them. If you feel physically unwell due to your colleague's perfume, it is important to address the issue.
Try to focus on your intentions and the problem you are trying to solve, rather than worrying about potential disaster scenarios. Think about what you admire about this person and the positive aspects of your relationship. If you genuinely like and respect them, it will be easier to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Remember that your intentions are not to shame or embarrass them, but to find a solution that works for both of you.
Be honest and direct, but also sensitive and respectful. Start the conversation by explaining that you value your relationship and want to address something that has been bothering you. Share your intentions and explain how their perfume affects you physically. For example, you can say, "I've noticed that I react physically to your perfume, and I wanted to address this because I value our relationship."
It is important not to demand that they stop wearing the perfume or reduce the amount they wear. Instead, offer suggestions or alternatives, such as meeting in a different location or sitting farther apart. By giving them the choice, you empower them to make a decision that considers your needs as well.
Finally, give them time to process the information and adjust. They may feel defensive or shell-shocked, and that's okay. Prove your sincerity by maintaining contact and reassuring them that you value your relationship. Crucial conversations like these can lead to more honest and authentic connections if handled with tact and empathy.
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Discuss your own reaction to the perfume, not the amount they wear
It is important to discuss your own reaction to the perfume, rather than commenting on the amount that is being worn. This approach can help to avoid the other person feeling defensive. Start by explaining that you have noticed yourself avoiding contact with them because you react physically to their perfume. You could say something like, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I've noticed that I'm trying to be around you less because of my reaction to your perfume."
It is also a good idea to share your intentions and the problem you are trying to solve. For example, you could explain that you want to have a good relationship with them and that their perfume is making this difficult. Be honest about your reaction, whether it is nausea, migraines, or allergies. You might also suggest that they try applying their perfume using different techniques, such as spraying it into the air and walking through the mist, or applying it only to their lower body.
If you are concerned about the potential health effects of the perfume, you could suggest presenting evidence of fragrance toxicity to HR and requesting that a company-wide message be sent out about fragrance usage. Alternatively, you could request accommodations such as an office air purifier. It is important to approach this conversation without judgement and to understand that some people may not be aware of their own overuse of perfume due to a desensitization to the fragrance.
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Be honest and unapologetic about your intentions
Being honest and unapologetic about your intentions is a great way to approach a conversation about someone's excessive perfume use. It's important to remember that everyone wants to feel comfortable in a shared space, and sometimes that requires having difficult conversations.
Firstly, it's good to acknowledge that telling someone they wear too much perfume can be tricky. No one wants to be embarrassed, and most people want to get along with their peers. However, if you are reacting to someone's perfume, it's perfectly valid to address this.
Be clear about your intentions. You are not asking them to change their beauty routine or judging their taste. Instead, you want to have an open conversation to protect your health and maintain a good relationship. You can say something like, "I love being around you, and I want to make sure we can continue to hang out comfortably." This sets a positive tone and indicates that your intentions are good.
Then, be honest and direct about your reaction to their perfume. You could say, "I've noticed that I react physically to your perfume. It makes me sneeze/gives me a headache/etc." It's important to focus on your reaction rather than telling them to change their behaviour. You can add, "I didn't want to risk our relationship by not explaining my behaviour," to emphasise that you are coming from a place of honesty and respect.
You can also suggest ways to accommodate both parties. For example, "It might work better if we sit a little farther apart, so I don't have to keep my distance when I react to your perfume." This shows that you are willing to compromise and don't expect them to completely change their habits.
Remember, being honest and direct doesn't have to mean being rude or aggressive. You can be unapologetic about your intentions while still being kind and respectful.
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Present evidence of fragrance toxicity to HR and request accommodations
When dealing with a colleague who wears too much perfume, it is advisable to talk to them directly about it. However, if you are uncomfortable doing so, or if you feel that a broader discussion about fragrance toxicity in the workplace is necessary, you can consider presenting evidence of fragrance toxicity to HR and requesting accommodations. Here is a suggested approach:
Evidence of Fragrance Toxicity
Fragranced products, including perfumes, contain synthetic chemicals that can be highly toxic and pose significant health risks. These chemicals are often not listed on product labels, as manufacturers are not required to disclose them, and fragrances are considered "trade secrets". This lack of transparency makes it difficult for consumers to make informed choices and for regulators to ensure product safety.
Studies have shown that fragrance chemicals can act as allergens, hormone disruptors, asthma triggers, neurotoxins, and carcinogens. They can interfere with hormones, cause harm to the reproductive system, kidneys, nervous system, and respiratory system, and even lead to cancer. The Environmental Working Group advises consumers to interpret the word "fragrance" or "parfum" on labels as a red flag for hidden chemicals.
Requesting Accommodations
When presenting this evidence to HR, you can request accommodations to create a healthier and more comfortable work environment. Here are some suggestions:
- Request an office air purifier to help mitigate the impact of strong fragrances in the air.
- Advocate for a fragrance-free policy in the workplace, similar to how accommodations are made for those with peanut allergies. This policy could include guidelines for employees to refrain from wearing strong perfumes or colognes, and for management to choose fragrance-free cleaning products and supplies.
- Educate your colleagues about the potential health risks of fragrances and encourage them to reduce their use or opt for fragrance-free alternatives.
- Suggest alternative ways to create pleasant scents in the workplace, such as using essential oils or natural fragrance sources that are known to be safe.
- Propose regular meetings with HR to discuss fragrance-related concerns and ensure that accommodations are effective and enforced.
Remember, it is essential to approach this issue with sensitivity and respect for your colleagues. By presenting evidence-based concerns and requesting reasonable accommodations, you can contribute to a healthier and more inclusive work environment.
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Suggest alternative ways to apply perfume, such as spraying the air and walking through
When it comes to addressing someone's excessive perfume usage, it's important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy. Here are some alternative suggestions you can offer when discussing the topic:
Suggest alternative ways to apply perfume: Instead of directly addressing the amount of perfume they wear, you can suggest alternative methods of application that will make their scent last longer without being overpowering. For example, recommend spraying the air and walking through the fragrance cloud. While this method may not target specific areas, it can help distribute the scent more evenly. Another suggestion is to apply perfume to the insides of the elbows, back of the knees, chest, and sides of the neck. These areas are naturally warm and moist, allowing the perfume to be enjoyed without becoming overpowering.
Discuss the impact on your well-being: Be honest and explain that you've noticed yourself avoiding contact with them due to your physical reaction to their perfume. Emphasize that it's about your reaction to the perfume rather than the amount they wear. Share your intentions for having this conversation, such as wanting to maintain a good relationship.
Present evidence of fragrance toxicity: If you have concerns about the potential health impacts of excessive perfume usage, consider gathering evidence of fragrance toxicity and presenting it to HR. Request that HR make a general announcement about the use of fragranced products without singling out any individual. This approach can help create awareness and encourage everyone to consider using less perfume.
Offer alternatives: Suggest alternatives to strong perfumes, such as using a non-alcoholic, water-based scent or applying perfume to clothing made of washable fabrics. These options can help distribute the scent more subtly.
Remember, it's important to approach this conversation with kindness and respect. Be mindful of their feelings, and try to find a solution that works for both of you.
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Frequently asked questions
It is best to be direct but polite. You could say something like, "I think it's great that you like to smell nice, but your fragrance is really overwhelming me. Could you please tone it back?" It is also important to remember that the longer you put off having this conversation, the more anxious you might feel about it.
You could suggest talking to HR and presenting some evidence of fragrance toxicity. HR could then make a general request for all employees to refrain from wearing strong fragrances or too much perfume.
Many chemicals used in perfumes are toxic and can be carcinogenic. They can also interfere with hormones and cause harm to reproductive systems, kidneys, the nervous system, and the respiratory system.
